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Mahen: Finding out what makes girls clingy

Published: Monday, November 16, 2009

Updated: Monday, November 16, 2009 02:11

 

 

Clingy: the dirtiest, most foul word in the English language. Whether we're talking about static cling from the dryer, clinging to something for dear life or, God forbid, a clingy girl, there is no positive connotation associated with the word "cling."

The most offensive form of this word is in reference to women. When a girl is referred to as "clingy," there are horrific consequences. Some girls will boil over with estrogen and explode with anger while other women curl inside themselves, writhing in the agony of their abused self-esteem. Nothing positive can come out of calling a girl clingy (unless you never want to speak to her again, or you wish to prematurely expose the crazy).

Sure, there are many more derogatory and demeaning words out there to describe women, but clingy takes the cake. It calls upon all of a woman's insecurities.

Now, don't confuse "clingy" with "needy." Needy is a defensible accusation. A confident girl can dismiss this supposed insult by declaring that rather than being "needy," she simply has desires her beau obviously cannot satisfy — thus questioning the inadequacies of the accuser.

For guys, think about when a girl calls you a "creep" or "creepy" or a "creeper." It's the equivalent to clingy, an instant warning to get away and stay away.

But what is it that qualifies a girl as clingy? Well, fortunately I conducted an extremely official survey and constructed a list of the top five things that lead to this debilitating stigma.

No. 1: Texting a guy like he has a personal Twitter account with you. He doesn't care what you ate for breakfast, when you're going to the bathroom or your exact schedule for the week.

No. 2: Facebook stalking. Commenting on his wall repeatedly and clicking "like" every time he updates his status is a sure sign you're far too interested in his personal life.

No. 3: Bombarding his friends with questions whenever you see him talking to another girl. Note: Guys talk just as much as girls. He will find out you're inquiring about his every move behind his back.

No. 4: Knowing what he's doing for the day before he tells you what he's doing. Whether you find out through Facebook, his friends or an anonymous source, questioning a guy about his plans before he tells you is a dead giveaway you spend too much time tracking him.

No. 5: Searching through phones/Facebook inboxes/e-mails. Just don't do it.
It's obviously nice to know what your prospective fling is up to and what exactly he is thinking about the relationship status, but to avoid the love-leech label, keep your curiosity contained and leave the cling in the dryer.


Medill junior Jill Mahen can be reached at j-mahen@northwestern.edu.

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20 comments

JD
Sat Mar 20 2010 01:51
Jill- You know who I am... and im supporting you! everyone else, listen up, GROW UP! jill is writing a column of her opinion, you read it, and you voiced your opinion. GOOD. that is the point. What she said is right. She is talking to girls in saying that its possible to be a bit clingly, but guys its possible for us too. You know each of us has been guilty of this stuff, and dont try to deny it. Jill is just commentating on the social life you all either experience or wish you had. So either comment on it with some intelligence or actually ask Jill for some advice because you cant handle your social life yourself. Your in Chicago, go out and get some... idiots. I applaud Jill for doing her best, and all you all can do is take her down because your social lives are too boring for a column. Grow up, read the damn column and accept it for what it is... an OPINION..... not a commentary on the facts of human behavior. If you think you can do better, go imitate Walden and write a book about it.
Jay
Tue Nov 24 2009 08:48
A good columnist writes opinion with a flair for controversy - and I applaud Jill for meeting her obligation. Does anyone see how strange it is that the Jill Haters on this message board still read the column week after week? Only a good journalist can motivate their haters to keep up with their writing.

For all you Femenists out there: instead of trashing the author who's doing exactly what her job description reads (write about stuff that raises eyebrows so more people read our paper...) maybe you should write your own guest column. Put into words (that aren't hate filled and full of insults, but rather a bit comedic and satirical like Jill has expertly done week after week) why Jill is so wrong and I bet people will read your column and even comment on it. You will have your own group of haters before you know it.

It should have occured to at least some of you that the author doesn't really believe this stuff, but rather has a knack for grabbing a reader's attention and stirring their emotions. She uses stereotypes to stir the pot. Which is exactly what columnists are supposed to do with their opinions. Its why people read them in the first place.

those pesky gendered insults
Thu Nov 19 2009 14:24
Actually yes, you did offend me with the word "balls," or more accurately, the sentiment that I should "grow some." If you wanted to be derogatory to women more directly, you could say "Stop being such a girl." Because people are only worthwhile if they have male anatomy, you know.

Also, lol at "the guts to write a column week-in and week-out for a respectable publication." I'm not seeing any guts here, just a depressing level of ignorance unworthy of respect. It certainly reflects poorly on the Daily.

knockyourselfout
Wed Nov 18 2009 23:36
Feminism is full of crap.
Then again, so is Jill.
ummm...
Wed Nov 18 2009 23:08
college feminists' meetings are open to men. quit blaming "feminism" for rightfully calling Mahen out on her boring, stereotyped, poorly written garbage.
Also named Jill
Wed Nov 18 2009 15:59
I'm really sick of the feminists' thinking that there are all righteous for posting their responses for this. Do something with your lives. Don't have girls-only meetings. Invite men to your stuff and try to actively advocate for equal rights. Too often are the feminists at this school passive aggressive. Get a grip on your failing/obsolete College Feminists, grow some balls and do something worth a lick (yeah, I said it, balls - did I offend you with the word BALLS) and stop deriding someone who has the guts to write a column week-in and week-out for a respectable publication.
Pleased
Wed Nov 18 2009 04:16
I love how Jill pisses off all the radical feminists every week with her columns. Just because there is a world where people don't want to be forcibly neutered into genderless wads of political correctness doesn't mean Jill is wrong. Chill out and be a little less into your own pretentious beliefs, people.
Class of 09
Wed Nov 18 2009 02:01
Excuse my typo... what I meant to say is "who are you to tell her what to write"

not

"who are you to decide what you read"

Class of 09
Wed Nov 18 2009 01:49
I think this article was hilarious. Do you guys realize that there is supposed to be a comedic aspect to this article... And let her write whatever she wants to, who are you to decide what you read. If you don't like the article, write one yourself instead of complaining.
A Disappointed Reader
Tue Nov 17 2009 12:46
Basically what "Again? Really?" said.

Jill, please read these comments. You clearly have writing talent, and obviously you're an intelligent girl if you got accepted into this school. It's pretty tragic that you use that talent and intelligence to perpetuate stereotypes each week.

An Alum in the biz
Tue Nov 17 2009 08:56
"The Love-Leech Label"

"When a girl is referred to as “clingy,” there are horrific consequences. Some girls will boil over with estrogen and explode with anger while other women curl inside themselves, writhing in the agony of their abused self-esteem."

Brilliant! Jill, you are a great writer as witnessed by the comments you garner and the phrases/sentences you turn. Doesn't matter what the commentors say, they are interested in you.

poopmaster
Tue Nov 17 2009 02:38
Would it be clingy if I sent you a photo of my (already digested) breakfast?
Your name
Mon Nov 16 2009 22:38
Not to be redundant, but seriously? These articles are sexist and extremely offensive. Also, do you enjoy broadcasting your ignorance for the entire Northwestern community to mock? I'd say most students on this campus have moved beyond these narrow, gender-based stereotypes, try to catch up, you're really just embarrassing yourself and The Daily. Who exactly do you think you're helping?

Please stop writing these columns.

please stop writting
Mon Nov 16 2009 15:57
haha these columns keep getting worse and worse.
Jake
Mon Nov 16 2009 14:13
Jill-

I used to get offended at your articles, but now I just laugh at how mundane and hopelessly stereotypical they are. I don't understand, who are you writing to? A narrow collection of your sorority friends? I just don't get it...

Your name
Mon Nov 16 2009 14:13
soooooo true! love this week's article Jill!
Steering clear of you
Mon Nov 16 2009 13:45
Jill, you sound like you're really high maintenance.
Your name
Mon Nov 16 2009 13:03
I wonder what's in that private video? Is she sexposing herself along the lines of the similarly hypocritical Carrie Prejean?
Again? Really?
Mon Nov 16 2009 11:54
Okay, here's a brief list of things that are very, very wrong with this column:

1. The overdramatic suggestion that "clingy" is "the dirtiest, most foul word in the English language." I'd hazard a guess that if you asked a thousand women for the word they're most hurt by, "clingy" wouldn't even appear on the list. In a time when language is still regularly used to demean and dismiss women, this is just depressing.

2. The description "boil over with estrogen and explode with anger." Congrats. You've discovered a way to dismiss anger expressed by a woman without using the word "hysterical." You saw where I mentioned using language to demean and dismiss women? This is you doing it. (And then you continue on by implying that a woman's self-esteem is unimportant! Marvelous double-play, there!)

3. The idea that insulting and demeaning a woman is a good way to "prematurely expose the crazy," presumably enabling a guy to "escape" before (God forbid!) he finds himself in a relationship with someone who gets upset when he insults them. Hate to break it to you, but yes, most women are going to be angry and hurt when their partners insult them. Calling that "crazy" implies that men should not settle for women who expect a basic level of human decency out of a relationship, and should instead hold out for someone they don't have to treat as an actual person instead of a portable housekeeper and sex machine.

4. The implication that an acceptable relationship is a sequence of "accusations" and dismissals of "supposed insult[s]." If I express a legitimate concern to my partner about his behavior in our relationship (or the other way around), I expect that we'll take steps together to rectify it, not that he'll turn it around in order to take a cheap shot at me (and I'd certainly never do that to him).

5. The phrase "an extremely official survey." Don't kid yourself. Try having some standards of journalistic integrity instead of making stuff up and trying to be cute about it.

6. The fact that the list of "clingy" behavior is really a list of stalking/abusive behavior. Yes, even if it's a girl doing it. Way to downplay it, though.

Please, please, please engage your Northwestern-educated brain before writing more of this (I hope) inadvertently sexist screed.

Your name
Mon Nov 16 2009 03:25
"private video"






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