New in Norris

Even if you’re not one of those third floor Norris drones with no life (Man, that would really suck.), chances are that you spend at least a small portion of your life in NU’s lakeside lair for students. We’ve noticed some changes up in here, so we’ve prepared a rundown of the upgrades and downgrades.

Cell Service

I’ll call this one a definite upgrade, even though I represent the minority of AT&T users who actually appreciated being unreachable while within the confines of this concrete fortress.

Faster Wireless

Again, a definite upgrade. Now we can skype the day away with our pals who are studying abroad.

Coke Products

This one depends on your taste preferences, but since Pepsi sucks, I’m going with upgrade on this one. I always envied my sister, who went to Emory, because she got to live in Atlanta, where Pepsi products were not an option.  I don't know the details of whatever sponsorship change made this happen, but I'm totally jazzed about it.

New Paper Towel Dispensers

Total upgrade. The hand cranks on those old white dispensers must have been like Club Med for the swine flu virus. Though the over-hyped pandemic  has officially ceased, it’s nice to know that I no longer have to choose between wet hands and communicable diseases.

Branding Extravaganza: The Norris Underground

I'm going to have to say the new decals promoting the "Norris Underground" in the elevator are a downgrade. Seeing as the Norris basement is already the go-to destination for tree huggers, artists and gamers, branding it as a hotbed for subcultures just seems redundant.

On a personal note, I won’t be 100 percent satisfied until the name on this building, “Norris University Center,” is preceded by one of two words: “Chuck” or “Mrs.”