House rules

Drop $80. Pick up four pounds of sweat. Feel two hours stupider after dealing with some re-hashed drivel flogged by an idiotically unrelenting bass line.

This is supposed to be fun.

Skippy.

With few exceptions, the big names clubs just plain suck on Friday and Saturday nights. Even though many clubs claim to play legitimate and interesting forms of techno, they typically don't offer the "true" forms of techno. Instead, they play top 40-esque Euro-pop garbage.

Euro-pop garbage and you

A handful of DJs and techno lovers alike complain that this is the case because too often the main clubs downtown, on Friday and Saturday nights, simply cater to the "see and be seen" crowd; people who tend not to be interested in the music itself.

"Most people don't go to clubs to listen to music, that's not the drive," said Weinberg senior and WNUR-FM (89.3) Streetbeat Music Director Mac Jenkins, better known as Max 50.

"Clubs that are successful tend to play formulaic (music.) It's like McDonald's. You don't want to be exposed to something new and exciting; you know what you want when you go there. McDonald's makes a lot of money because it caters to what people are comfortable with. They wouldn't hire a short order chef to whip up awesome salads because that's just not what they sell there."

As such, the DJs find it necessary to play formulaic silliness designed to be catchy and appealing just to get people on the dance floor. Speech junior and electronic musician Jeff Shuter who performs under the name "jephreee" pointed out, "the songs that get people (dancing) tend to be the ones that aren't incredibly deep and aren't really worth analysis."

Put simply, "they're Euro-pop hook tracks — very commercial-sounding material."

Clubs could care less. In the end, they make their money by selling drinks, not by playing good music. Most of the people buying the drinks on Friday and Saturday nights can't distinguish between clever sampling and Casio presets and don't care to do so.

The rest of us, unfortunately, have grown to accept bad music as a part of the standard clubbing experience like vinyl pants and idiot bouncers.

"The uninitiated tend not to go (to other venues) because they don't know to go," Jenkins said.

They don't know they have a choice in the matter. People tend not to realize that Chicago techno scene can actually appease a wide selection of music, moods and tastes. It's not all just throbbing bass and head-bobbing.

Electronic music is definitely in. It's being used in everything from sports commercials, to action films with cars, computers and lots of explosions.

Unfortunately, most people who say, "I like techno" mean, "I like the clubby, dancey stuff I hear on the radio." They don't realize that saying that is like saying, "I've heard Kenny G, therefore I can form a strong opinion for or against all of jazz."

"Ultimate Dance Party" and other CD's whose covers feature scantily (or, rather, skankily) clad women are the techno equivalent of Kenny G. They are part of a often-mocked subsection of techno and do not adequately represent the variety of music techno encompasses.

Sadly, this trash is the form of techno almost everybody encounters but shouldn't. An obvious comparison can be found in rock. Hair-metal was a widespread and somewhat embarrassing sub-genre to rock, but no one would claim that hair-metal can represent all rock has to offer.

Four basic groove groups

There are actually four major forms of techno: House, Trance, Breakbeat and Jungle. Each has a very distinctive sound and feel that most people are able to pick up on, once they know what they're looking for. Each form also has extensive subcategories and sub-subcategories, which tend to get more and more hazy the finer they get, but to the same degree, less and less important. The broad categories mentioned will be sufficient for most people to begin more in depth explorations of the club scene and techno in general.

The most pervasive form of techno in Chicago is "House." House music evolved out of a stew of dance forms including electronic synth pop, Latin soul, dub reggae, rap, jazz and perhaps most obviously, disco. House is distinguished from other forms of techno by its rolling 4/4 beat with clappy samples on beats 2 and 4. House tends to be one of the most accessible genres to the uninitiated in that there is a certain degree of familiarity with the rhythms and overall "feel" to the music. For lack of less technical characteristics, it tends to be the kind of techno you want to groove and/or shake your hips to.

If that's what you're looking to do, you'll have no problem finding venues. House has come a long way from its underground dance club roots; it's becoming very mainstream and practically candy-fed to the head-bobbing, hip-shaking masses. House definitely dominates the Chicago club scene. As WLUW Abstract Science host, Monday night Smartbar "resident" and Students Publishing Co. employee Chris Widman put it, "Chicago's always going to be a house town. House was born here, House is king here."

Pick up a copy of the Chicago Reader or UR Chicago and you'll easily find a large number of clubs willing to cater to your House desires.

The accessibility of House occasionally lends itself to dilution into standardized commercial catchiness. Euro-pop, after all, is a subcategory of House.

But one club which offers a diverse and interesting mix of House and other forms of techno is Zentra.

"(Zentra offers) a combination of hip-hop and House ... and incorporates varieties of techno, dance, and even some reggae," said DJ and promoter Cedric Combs of Spectrum of Sound. "Friday nights tend to have very diverse mixes."

For more intense dancers, Trance is also becoming a more mainstream staple of electronic music. The E-fuelled glowstick ninjas of wareHouse and desert raves are moving up to the main floors of the hippest clubs downtown. The basic beats of Trance tend to be unrelenting as opposed to the rolling, discoey feel of House. Overall, it's easy to see why Trance is named as such. It tends to be fairly repetitive and hypnotic with some varieties ranging from dreamy and spacey to intensely psychedelic aural mind jobs.

Redno5 was mentioned by several DJs and avid clubbers as one of the best places to go for Trance. It alternates the nights it plays Trance but tends to keep pretty busy and the music is good compared to other places which may offer a more watered-down, "cookie-cutter" variety of Trance sometimes called "Anthem Trance."

Weinberg senior Jordan Coulston has another reason to go to Redno5: "You dress-up, but you don't walk into a huge flashy club with monster VIP sections." Redno5 is usually more concerned with putting together good shows than dumbing the music down to the majority of Saturday night clubbers who simply don't care about music.

Can't dance? don't worry

Those who care about music and love to dance have plenty of places to explore. But those who care about music but can't dance or get themselves to believe they can no matter how much alcohol is in them, are probably asking, "Where do you go, my lovely? Where do you go-oh-oh-oh ... ?"

But there's no need to resort to No Mercy.

There are great places for those of us who like to sit around, listen to good music, and occasionally put a fist in the air.

"Breakbeats" defines an extremely broad genre which incorporates a range of speeds, instruments and sounds. Breakbeats distinguishes itself from other genres with its bass line and syncopated beats (as opposed to the strict Trance and House rhythms.)

The syncopation and layering create a certain intensity without being overly repetitious. In simple terms, Breakbeats sounds crunchy and delicious. More famous examples of the category include select songs from the soundtracks to "The Matrix" and "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation."

But, Breakbeats isn't limited to music people, who kick each others' asses. Also included in the category is hip-hop, trip-hop and acid jazz. Trip-hop has often been referred to as the "easy listening of techno" without the negative connotations. Acid jazz manages to combine jazz and techno into one fun package of supreme grooviness.

Those interested in Breakbeats should check out Bigwig on various nights, and Smartbar on Monday nights. Smartbar offers a laid-back atmosphere with plenty of places to sit, to talk and to enjoy the music. Several DJs also recommended Danny's. Jenkins describes Danny's as, "a converted apartment (that) looks like it. It's a comfortable, popular club and bar that people don't usually dance in. It also has the friendliest bar staff I've ever encountered."

Monday nights tend to be abstract but thoroughly entertaining. Call ahead for what they play when; they tend to have so many regulars, they don't feel the need to advertise.

Finally, "Jungle" has nothing to do with what you're probably thinking. Jungle has been described as a speedier Breakbeats with slower bass lines. This translates to "more chill." It gets its name from its primary influence, the James Brown collection "Into the Jungle Groove." Most subcategories of Jungle have a definitely funky feel to them and make great soundtracks to driving, sitting around, and if you feel up for it, some serious ambling. "Drum and bass" is the most prominent subcategory of Jungle. It features drum samples following a rhythm resembling those found in rock and a bass line smoothly glides over everything. Drum and bass is a relatively new genre, but has a fairly strong almost hardcore following. It can range from atmospheric, to dark and very intense.

Almost unanimously recommended for drum and bass is Bigwig's on Wednesday nights.

These categories are extremely broad, but are meant to serve as just starting points for further exploration. The framework provided should enable you to eliminate less appealing choices of techno given a certain mood or desired atmosphere. Sure you like to move it, move it as much as the next guy. But now you don't have to put up with inane songs that tell you to put your hands here, do this or shake that over and over and over. Welcome to the club. nyou