This story misquoted Brad Jordan. The final phrase in Caleb Jordan's note read "but I've hidden it."
They came in sadness to celebrate a life they described as a "joy," from as close as Elder Hall to as far away as Hong Kong, to commemorate the life of McCormick senior and Elder community assistant Caleb Jordan.
"This memorial service has been planned by Caleb's family and friends and is meant to be a reflection of him, a reflection of his faith, a reflection of his life," announced University Chaplin Timothy Stevens to those gathered at Alice Millar Chapel on Saturday.
Hundreds of Jordan's former residents, Delta Chi fraternity brothers, teammates from the Northwestern rugby team and others attended the service. Members of the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship greeted them with instrumental music and later led them in spiritual songs.
"He had the heart of a child," said Jonathan Flowers, a McCormick senior, during the service. "He gave flowers to every girl on his floor. He would walk with you just because you were going somewhere. He wasn't even going to the same place."
Jordan's family also attended, coming from Hong Kong, where Jordan lived since he was 8 months old. Brad Jordan shared early memories of his son during the service, as well as stories he had recently learned.
"I know Caleb filtered a lot of stories back to us at home," he said, evoking laughter from the audience. "This week, I've heard many times how 'Caleb passed out with my brother in this situation,' or 'he made the charge in this,' or 'he put down shots with this person, this famous person who happened to come to this bar.'"
Jordan maintained a strong maturity and a natural selflessness, his father said, born from his work as a CA and his spirituality. He told a story of how Jordan, at age 6, told his family he was going to spend his life spreading Bibles throughout the world.
There were some smiles and laughs during the first part of the service, as speakers shared anecdotes about Jordan and a trickle of people filled any empty spots in the pews. The mood became more solemn as the circumstances of Jordan's death became the subject.
"It's common knowledge that Caleb made his final, last choice," his father said to those who gathered. "The words that Caleb left for me, his father, for you, his friends, were this: 'I'm sorry.' This was written on the bathroom mirror. 'I'm sorry. This is no one's fault but my own. I suck, and I've been living a lie. There's no reason to live anymore. I'm sorry. This has been a long time coming, but I've written it.'"
Jordan was found dead in his dorm room on the morning of Nov. 5. The official cause of his death is pending the results of an autopsy.
Several people began crying as Jordan's father read the statement.
"He reached out to us so much," Flowers said the crowd. "He gave to us so much. I only wish we could've done that for him - I will always feel a twinge of guilt that he could never reach out to us."
Jordan's parents encouraged his friends not to blame themselves for Jordan's death and invited everyone for coping and grieving at 7:30 p.m. today at Norris University Center's Ohio State Room. The event is open to all students.
Gatherers quietly left the chapel at the end of the service, some signing a book near the entrance, and others going to a reception afterward at Scott Hall. While the mood was solemn, people said they would remember Jordan for his charm and warmth.
"The scrawny six-foot-six kid with glasses," said Weinberg senior Kirk Watkins during the service. "'Genuinely awkward.' I think that was one of the truest and most loving descriptions of him - I can tell you all his friends loved that about him."
Reach Nitesh Srivastava at
n-srivastava@northwestern.edu.
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