Every winter, girls excitedly pledge sororities and assume it'll be all BFF ever after. For some, however, Greek life can make for an alienating, isolating four years - unless you decide to cut your losses, break it off and put away the checkbook.
She walks decidedly to the Kappa Delta house, deactivation forms and pin in hand. She'll have to return these items to a mailbox inside, quietly make her exit and endure banishment from the house forever. Once inside, she is stunned by the crowd of her soon-to-be former KD sisters, all looking on as she makes her willing departure from sorority life.
"I ended up going to the house during chapter (to complete deactivation). That was a little awkward," said junior Michelle Soffen. "It was symbolic of how I didn't know anything about the sorority."
Soffen probably should have realized when chapter took place, considering it was one of the many mandatory activities she was constantly trying to avoid attending.
"I realized I was only going (to the house) to drop off checks and pay fees for not going to events," said Soffen, who deactivated in her sophomore year. "I just didn't have the time."
Hundreds of Northwestern women join sorority recruitment in a rush of excitement, singing and sisterhood. But down the road, all that is left is dues, mandatory activities and a house full of acquaintances, deactivation might become the next step. Each year dozens of women disappear from their pledge class and for a wide variety of reasons.
"I knew I had to deactivate when we were singing a silly song [at chapter] about how you need a man to be happy," said junior Jen Darby, a former Zeta Tau Alpha. "They were joking about it but it was the nail in the coffin for me. I no longer fit in the sorority."
Darby decided to try sorority life her freshman year, despite knowing she would never want to be viewed as a stereotypical sorority girl. She lived in the ZTA house as a sophomore but quickly deactivated as a junior.
"I think there are people excited about wearing bags with their letters on them, a willingness to label themselves," Darby said. "I felt like the qualities that people would assume by seeing my letters were not qualities that I associate with myself."
Ultimately, an overriding factor in deactivation is the financial burden of being in a sisterhood, sometimes coupled with a lack of emotional connections to the other women.
"The majority of my friends weren't in a sorority," said junior Lauren Bergman, a former ZTA. "Why was I paying $500 a quarter to go to social events where I was not close to the people there?"
Deactivation is different for each house, but generally it is a simple process, if not a tad uncomfortable.
"The worst part was when the president tried to have a heart-to-heart (to convince me to stay)," Soffen said. "She said everyone is going to miss me but I didn't even know anyone's names. I knew three people from my pledge class."
Each of the women insisted their deactivation was nothing personal against individual sororities, the Greek system or the other women. As far as they know, there is no bad blood harbored between them and their former sisters. Sorority life just wasn't the right fit that they hoped for on bid night.
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